Years ago, a cool poster to have in your den, bedroom or dorm room was just a simple Budweiser logo. If you were super classy, it was something exotic like Heineken or Guinness, maybe even some clever hint at drinking till you puke, or funneling beers etc.

I am thankful that we have evolved. Now, there is much more to a beer poster. Some of them are made of wood or metal, some of them even have to do with the process of brewing beer like a normal person, and tasting it instead of swilling it like your guts were on fire.

During my last visit to IRON FIST brewery, it was super crowded due to some event. I found myself crammed into a corner, gasping for air like a docked catfish as my anxiety spiked.  I found solace in a CRAFTBEER.com poster that, in my predicament,  served like a candle during a meditation session. On that poster, there was lots of good beer info. One of the subjects mentioned was IBUs. Here is the IBU definition from Craftbeer.com:

International Bittering Units (IBU)
The measure of the bittering substances in beer (analytically assessed as milligrams of isomerized alpha acid per liter of beer, in ppm). This measurement depends on the style of beer. Light lagers typically have an IBU rating between 5-10 while big, bitter India Pale Ales can have an IBU rating between 50 and 70.

The poster stated that the IBU scale runs from 0-100

This definition seems unsettling to me, since I know that San Diego’s STONE Brewery constantly dances in the 80 and 90+ IBU arena. Also, I recently read about some lunatics that waited in a 2 hour line to drink some Dogfish head 120 (which is rare, but apparently people love it). Some folks think that 120 minutes is the time it takes for a key component in the brewing process. According to some guy named Mitch, those people are wrong. Scholars maintain that Dogfish Head 120 is named for the IBUs of the beer. Also, Dogfish Head’s website claims the same. So, apparently the IBU scale is not limited to 100 (feel free to discuss with your local beer nerd).

What the CRAFTBEER.com poster does not tell you is that information, such as the IBU scale, can be used for good or evil.

Good = is the casual beer drinker, exchanging info, learning and having fun.

Evil = hateful, spiteful, dragon-faced beer snobs. Failures in other areas, looking to dominate something, anything.

One of my ultimate goals is cull humanity’s herd of evil asshole beer snobs. There are two ways to accomplish this. One is illegal and not recommended, the other is to have more info than them and mute their foolish attempts at superiority. When a beer snob is silenced, it is a beautiful thing. It reminds me of fireworks, or watching a vampire take a wooden stake to the heart.

There are people out there that just LURK at bars and liquor stores, looking to hurt someone’s feeling and prove how smart they are when it comes to beer. These people are horrible, but as beer increases in popularity, they multiply like fleas is a gross blanket.

Beer drinking is supposed to be fun. It is NOT supposed to be a contest of “I know more than you” or,  “I have no friends so I unearthed all the obscure facts that I could and am looking to burn an innocent.” My readers, I hope, are casual and polite, but, with a goddam arsenal of knowledge loaded on their hip, should they: 1) need it to take down an aggressive beer snob; 2) choose to use it.

One of my biggest issues (and this is more geared toward the ignorant beer drinker posing as a beer snob) is when people insist on telling you that the beer they like is BETTER than the beer you like. What the hell is that. Enjoying a beer (or any drink, food or creation) is a SUBJECTIVE experience. Subjective means that it is a matter of personal opinion, and not something that you can be right or wrong on. If someone tells you that a stout is darker than a pilsner, that is OBJECTIVE, meaning that is fact, and not really open to interpretation.

So, drinking a beer is a Subjective thing, based on personal tastes and experience. You cannot be wrong about what you like in a beer. If some idiot tells you that you should be drinking Beer X because it is better than what you are drinking, slowly back away, for that person is a fool.

Back to IBUs. I will be paying attention to the IBUs of the beers I drink. I will let you know if I see any others that claim to be higher than 100. Please feel free to comment if you see one.

Until proven otherwise, I am going to assume that the 120 is an incredibly vain move on the part of Dogfish Head.

By the way, Dogfish Head has a show on Netflix instant streaming. I am going to watch it soon.

Cheers

– Thomas

 

(Visited 17 times, 1 visits today)
%d bloggers like this: